Conversation Killers to Avoid (at all costs!)

Connecting with others is sometimes challenging, and certain variables can destroy even the best conversations. In almost all cases, you should be mindful of these conversation killers. Try to avoid them as much as possible.

Only Talking About Yourself

People who do this rarely realize they do it, but try to be mindful of the tendency of over-sharing. Think about how many times you say, My, I, or mine in a conversation. If the number feels somewhat excessive, that probably tells you something!

Be mindful of the tendency to try to trump someone else’s story. Even if you’ve experienced something similar, that doesn’t give you unadulterated permission to speak freely about it.

Remember that you don’t have to relate every conversation to yourself. You can still be supportive even if you don’t personally relate to a certain issue.

Interrupting

We all do it, especially when we feel excited or passionate about a topic. But try to stop doing it as much as you can.

When someone is talking, you need to respect them and give them that time. If you don’t, you convey that their opinions aren’t nearly as important as your own, and that’s a surefire way to frustrate others.

Frequently Complaining

It’s okay to vent to your loved ones from time to time. But has it become a chronic pattern? Has the occasional venting spiraled into nonstop complaints?

If so, don’t be surprised if people start pulling away. Negativity can be contagious, and most people don’t want to be around such cynical energy.

If you do need to talk about a particularly challenging issue, continue being more neutral in your approach. For example, you might say, I’ve been having a hard time this week. I’ve been really stressed at work and worried about my father’s health. I’m hanging in there, though, and it’s nice to talk to you.

Dismissing Someone Else’s Opinion

Being insensitive to how someone else thinks often kills any conversation. When you put a person down, you basically insinuate that you’re better than them.

You don’t have to like or agree with everything someone says. But you should aim to take the high road and provide basic respect for differences in opinion.

Pushing Controversial Topics

Not everyone wants to talk about overly sensitive topics. It’s important that you respect other people’s boundaries when it comes to what they feel comfortable sharing.

Convey interest in knowing their perspective, but don’t push it. If someone wants to tell you something, they will. If they feel forced into it, however, they will likely feel ashamed and resentful.

Being Aggressive

Aggression is both verbal and nonverbal. In a verbal form, aggression sounds like direct threats or blatant hostility. In a nonverbal form, aggression can refer to a pressured tone, posturing stance, or loud voice.

Instead, focus on staying calm. Before you have a difficult conversation, get in the habit of taking a few deep breaths and envision yourself staying calm and collected. Use I-statements when asserting your feelings instead of blaming someone else for their behavior.

Finally, maintain open body language. Maintain good eye contact (without staring someone down) and try to relax your stance.

Oversharing

Sharing too much information can make others feel uncomfortable. It can also cause confusion, as people might not know which issues to focus on at a given time.

When in doubt, ask yourself, Why do I need to bring this up right now? Is now the best time? If the answer is no, consider waiting.

Being Insincere

Fake it till you make it has its virtues. But when it comes to connecting with loved ones, this isn’t the advice you want to follow. Good conversation requires authenticity and sincerity. People ultimately need to know they can rely on you for your truth.

So don’t lie, don’t say anything you don’t really mean, and don’t pretend to understand something when you don’t. Even if you get away with it once or twice, being disingenuous almost always backfires, and the consequences can be devastating for everyone.

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