First dates can be both exhilarating and nerve-racking. You feel the nervous butterflies of anticipation, the excitement of getting to know someone better, and the simple joy of being with someone you like!

If you’re filled with anxiety, it may help to know you’re not alone and that thousands of others feel just as nervous. A survey shows that 59% of people feel that first dates are more stressful than job interviews, and that the anxiety hits its peak the night before.

One of the things most worry about when it comes to first dates is — conversation! Of course, cupid could be having a good day and you may find an instant connection with your date and have many common interests to discuss.

But we recommend having a backup plan too! Here are some great ways to break the ice, get the conversation started, moving, and keep its momentum going well beyond dessert and coffee.

Start with the easy and the obvious if you’re unsure how to jump into a conversation — your surroundings, for example. Ask them if you’ve been to the location of your date (coffee shop, restaurant, park, etc.) before or if they are familiar with the neighborhood. This will allow you to pick cues to broaden the conversation to other areas — food, travel, etc., which we will cover below.

Small talk revolves around contextual conversations. Who chose the restaurant? If your date did, ask them if they have tried this place before and what they’d recommend you order. If you picked the place, you could tell them you hope they like it.

Talk about where they came from before this date. Did they come straight from work or home? You can then segue into talking about how their work day went, the traffic situation, or even the weather.

Follow up small talk with some things to make your date (and yourself) feel comfortable. Compliments are a great second step! Throw in a compliment or two about an article of clothing they’re wearing or if their perfume smells nice.

Talk about how this date got set up. If you’ve been eyeing each other for a while, casually mention that you were looking forward to meeting. If you met through a dating app, bring up an interesting detail from their profile.

Practice active listening. Don’t focus on what you are going to say or ask next — this isn’t a quiz show. Instead, pay close attention to what your date is trying to tell you, establish eye contact, nod, smile, laugh, and ask thoughtful follow-up questions.

After some small talk, you may be ready to get a tad more personal. It could be as simple as talking about where you each go to work or school, what you do or study there, where you were born or raised, and where home is.

Such questions can open the door to conversations on different (or shared) cultures and you can exchange deeper aspects of how you grew up.

Taking cues from the direction of the conversation, you can talk about the reasons why you got that job or took that course, what it was like growing up or what it is like living in your neighborhood. These topics could also branch out to talking about family life and memorable experiences.

Allow for time to feel each other out. Don’t sweat the awkward or silent moments — these are normal for first or second dates and even after. Nobody is expected to talk non-stop; in fact, taking the time to listen, think, and then phrase your replies or questions well will show a level of maturity and seriousness your date will appreciate.

You can simply begin with a “Tell me about your family.” and see where it goes. Even with negative stories, you can respond with, “Wow, that sounds really hard. How did you deal with that?” to drive the conversation.

You can also inquire about friends and who they consider their support system. Understanding the meaningful connections of your date can help you know them better as well as empathize and share about your own people.

Asking how they were as a child is another way of keeping the conversation interesting and insightful. Were they shy? The class clown? Nerdy?